Faceist Matters: Protecting Zion

2009-09-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well. I had to force myself down into writing something here. I need to get back in the habit. I know.

Well, reading my last post I felt a bit awkward, to say the truth. I was way to excited (and forgot to spell this right on the last post) to post. Here goes the bunch of it.

Well, I'm still a vegetarian and that doesn't seem to be going to change for a long while. It started off as a spontaneous project, to help myself get a bit of hang on things and so on, self reliance and cleaning my body. Well, I was a bit repelled by meat too. I mean, after eating meat on "a bit above" average I could not stand the thought of it for a week. This feeling has developed and now I feel sick by the thought of eating meat again some day. I still eat fish, and that too is becoming sickening. C'mon, fish is tasty and all but it has the texture of snake meat. And no, don't ask how I know. I wish I could erase that picture from my mind.

So, on that area it is going pretty well. I try to balance myself on B12 and iron from time to time. If I haven't got a lot of resources on iron and B12, I take a pill of both every few days. Just to keep the oxygen where it should be.

What else?
Well. The biggest of all misfortunes happened a week and half ago. I actually started writing. I got all these ideas flowing into my mind and great weeks of inspiration. I updated and changed and upgraded ideas and I just felt it was the big boom of flowing infinite intelligence I was imploring to arrive. I was half-way on a script, two more already started. A book in Hebrew started as a base to one of my scripts. All my ideas written down and my plans on paper. Now, here comes this friend one day. He asks me if he could use the laptop to charge his iPod. I agreed and was back asleep. He used the laptop and put it back in place afterward. Now. At some point in the middle of these adventures of him through the iTunes library a message popped out asking him to download the latest version of iTunes. He must have thought that it would make things better. This was a heavily hacked version of Mac OS X to fit this non- Apple laptop, so it doesn't make things better. The computer won't boot.

All, and I repeat - ALL my work lost. I couldn't retrieve a single file. Mac OS X is so damn secure that it doesn't allow me to move my files around if I boot the laptop through Ubuntu. Thanks for the security Apple! It cost me potentially hundreds of thousand of dollars if not millions. You're lucky that it's only a potential.

Yes. I was mad. And felt so desperate and miserable and helpless. So I went and bought two more flash drives. And I'll learn to backup all my material from now on. Lesson learned? Absolutely.

So I'm back to Windows and my adventures with Mac OS X are done, until this laptop dies and I get (hopefully) a full Mac. Hope to write again before that happens.

Good night.

2009-05-27T14:24:00.000-07:00

There were hints that this was coming. Believe it or not I, an Argentinean, am a vegetarian. It's only day five, but the need for meat has just disappeared like nothing. I feel fine, a little over exited by this change, but the overall feel makes me want this.

I happened to start it spontaneously, but it soon became a challenge and later on a resolution. There is a way of living without the need for meat. And yes, the ethics of such a change make you feel better mentally, even if you don't really do it out of pity for the poor animals. I'm not sure where I'm at the moment with the ethics and stuff, but it sure wasn't that that forced me into taking this step. I just felt sick of eating meat and forcing my mind to believe it's a need. It is not, and that I'm sure I'll be able to prove.

What took some days to decide was what were my policies with fish (or any other maritime beast). I'm not sure if eating fish allows you to bear the title of "veggie", but considering that I'm in the army and in two weeks back to full combat/physical service I thought it would be safe to keep that aspect of carnal lust. In other words, I'll still be eating fish as a complementary for meat (as it contains most of the positive stuff that can be found on meat) until I find some other way. My health means a lot to me. I have no plans of becoming anemic.

Another major change this week was the looks of my netbook. A friend of mine from my current course installed Mac Os X and got rid of Windows XP. So I said goodbye to Gates and welcomed Jobs. Very happy with that change too.

I also started learning some HTML and got hooked on trading options on Forex, which will become my next big project. Apart from other 3 or 4 projects that I'm trying to focus on, to be honest.

That is for now. Good Night.

2009-05-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

There's a lot going on lately.

For some reason, I haven't been paying too much attention to things I should have payed attention to.

It starts with the Nativ course, a course in Judaism and zionistic identity designed for those who serve in the IDF but haven't been born in Israel, or those who are not recognized as Jewish - both of which are my cases. So I started this course, the people are awesome, the acommodations more than fair and the food a dream - in the IDF's standards, of course. There has been a change in my thinking towards the possibility of going through conversion. From my point of view, conversion was never an issue that I saw as needed - since I felt like a Jew. Over the last couple of weeks, I got interested in Judaism and attracted to the idea of conversion. It's not the feeling I'm pursuing, as I said, I feel just like any other Jew. I'm not pursuing the idea of getting married through orthodox Judaism, therefore the only option is civil marriage somewhere in Europe - fine for me. But what I found is that I do want to learn to keep certain traditions, fufill certain Jewish commandments and have something to pass on to my family in the future. I was never raised as a Jew, nor was my father, however it is important for me now that I live in this country. So that's a little bit of what's going on with this course. There are many lessons I will be posting soon that gave me another perspective on Judaism.

There has been another forgotten matter. A big project I should be working on with my stepfather which will soon be uncovered. All I can say is that it has to do with Israel and spreading Zionism. Ideas keep filtering in but it seems impossible. But I do enjoy the challenge.

More - although I think about it every day, writting. I keep getting ideas and more scenes into my mind but I really don't know where to start. I keep hesitating about getting a laptop for this task, but something really pushes me to try and write. We'll see.

2008-11-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Apocalypse Now...

I know, it's been a year since I last posted a few lines on this thing. A year. It's been ages, really, because there are so many things that changed for me since. On my last post I was saying good bye to my civil life and about to enter the army. Now, a year after that, I am already a soldier. A true soldier who is just about to finish his course. A week from now, just like I was a week from recruitment on my last post. Such a good way to connect both posts.

I wonder, why did it take me so long to get to write a thing. I think I will count all the different factors that helped with that: First, I was a recruit. I wasn't allowed that much spare time. Not that I had in mind to write on paper anything. Most of the time that I had was spent in rest, even at home. Not that much stuff to think about, after all. I was a plain soldier with basic training experiences and not much of my own thinking really. I did all I was told, not a question. "You obey the orders, you do not question them" as the Nazi way would tell really. The last four months have given me more freedom and time to arise a few questions, destroy some dreams, kill some thoughts and build new plans. Nothing of that came to paper, ever. I may have written my name and personal number on many forms in the past year, but other than that my hand has gone numb. I thought I lost it.

What has happened since? A lot, a whole damn lot. I found myself in a total new life in the army. Different to any structure I've lived ever, where everything a commander says, as stupid as it may be is obeyed with no questioning. At least if you plan to become a good soldier. I didn't get to be in the unit I wanted so bad. It's good, not a big loss after all. I became obsessed with the idea of being a sniper. I woke up in the morning with a mark on my sight and went sleeping while dreaming of me cleaning the M82. That, is gone too. Eight months of constant active dreaming and effort gone as nothing. I was an excellent soldier until the day I was told I wasn't even considered for sniping exams. I became a lot more careless and bold.

During the time of my training my mom got married. A decent man, who I love as a father. I will definitely dedicate a post to that alone. My family grew from four to five. The stress on me as the man of the family is gone and I am left now to try and live the teenage life I was supposed to. But, I'm in the army now. The time is gone and I've grown up way faster. I feel that in the way I see people in my company. I just don't fit. I feel I don't fit in the army, the combat soldier life, the whole system, the mentality. I quit thinking of becoming a commander and later on an officer. I just lost the soul of the army. I just want to finish this two years I got left and find myself in another place. I'm already making plans for studying. I'm already thinking of learning. Guess I just miss school. But I'm thinking of starting over.

The IDF, and I got a right to judge, is such a stupid army. It recruits people with no desire to be in it. People who feel they are forced to be in it. People who don't believe in it. So you start thinking if all your effort to keep a true meaning is worth the pain, physical and emotional. I did. I don't. For me, it became nothing more than a transitory three years with no true meaning. I know I should protect this land. But all I thought I would get from the army is nothing more than an ilusion. Even if I could, I wouldn't start over in the IDF. Because it would get me nowhere. Same thing.

So right now I'm thinking of joining the military academy in the UK. A new start. A different experience. I'll be able to do the things I wanted to do here, but in a different way. And of course, I'll get to learn a lot more. Challenging, I must say.

This post is not that well arranged and tidy, but it'll do for now. Until I get an laptop and start posting from my base. Get back in shape. The best therapy.

Good night.

2007-11-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

Two things, 'cuz it's late.

First, I got less than a week left until I have to leave it all and go learn the basics of Zionism. Army, yes.

Second, and more or less a bad thing I must learn to live with, my height is final. No doctor in these days will recommend the use of massive doses of hormones to stretch me a few more centimeters. Disappointment in general as I heard it from the doctor, but in some way a relief. I wasn't so easy about the hormone thing. Having studied biology, I can say that I wouldn't recommend that myself. I did my best and checked. However, one lesson one must learn in order to keep straight and succeeding. Never give up.

So, I happened to hear that a flight to space usually releases some space between our vertebras, space that gravity prevents us from using during our growing stage on earth, making up to 3 more centimeters in space between them, if the flight is for more than 10 days. There is another option less connected to earth but possible. According to GATTACA, a science fiction movie on genetics in which a guy pretends to be someone else in order to be an astronaut. For that goal he must have another man's height. Theoretically speaking, there was an ancient operation invented by a Chinese doctor in which one's legs are cut and stretched a bit, so the bone will regenerate and make a few more centimeters in the end, the movie shows such operation and as I read, it was done in some cases in ancient China.

I will say that the first option sounds better. I will do my best, three centimeters are three centimeters and as long as it is an option, I'm looking forward for it! :)

Good night my friend,

P.S. Did you hear that tall people die younger? The heart can barely stand the stress caused by height and collapses, in most cases, earlier than in short people. Being short got its advantages.

2007-11-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

Hey there. I actually got some news for you.
Well, life in general is hard, for some pessimistic (rather say, ultra-pessimistic) ones and also for those who tend to invent the good parts of it as a hobby. Yes, just about a lot of things are, how to say it, a "not-very-nice-thing". But there is many times the support of others around us. People like us, those who know God.

As my recruitment date was approaching, back in July this year, I knew very well that God was in charge of everything. Even though I felt totally lost and didn't like quite much the Israeli Combat Engineering Corps back then, I knew that there was someone bigger preparing everything for me. I knew that I wouldn't go to a place where he knew it will be too difficult for me, or too boring. Maybe too tempting. He knew it all and all I could do was throw myself in a free fall to his will. I missed one thing.

Yesterday a friend of mine came to check my place for the pre-recruitment party with the youth from my congregation. We sat by the view of Jerusalem's sun sliding into the mountains, with the assistance of a fresh (or cold) breeze to enable it's 3D effect. He started asking about things I would like to share as part of my testimony, a legacy for those who are about to start all this thing of exams and more exams and interviews to all different units and parts of the IDF. I said I would love to share about my experience with the hard system of the army and bureaucracy in different fields - my recruitment date change included. He asked if I would like to share about anything that God lead me to during this time, that will help others. I said that I would love everyone to free themselves a week in the summer to go to a course I took last summer that helped me a lot. It is a great 5 day course for Jewish believers entering the IDF. All my questions were answered there. He concluded asking about anything I might want to pray about. All I could think of was that I really wanted some other believer to be with me in the Combat Engineering Corps. It was 4:40 PM. I added someone to Facebook the same day who also will be recruited in November. At around 6 I left a message, asking if he was joining the Combat Engineering Corps. At 8:30 PM, four hours after I prayed about it I got a message from him. He was.

I wasn't serious. I asked that mostly joking. I knew this guy was about to join another brigade. His second option was the Engineers and apparently the Kfir Brigade was full - so for the IDF that means the second option.

Lesson learned - ask, and you shall be given.

Want another one?
I knew that I needed to buy a lot of equipment that is not given by the IDF. I calculated that it won't be that expensive, but it turned out to be. I really felt that I should ask from my congregation to help me with that. I didn't want to, because I thought that was not right in some way. I did, some days ago.

Today I saw my pastor on my way to meet his wife and two youth leaders to prepare things for the party. He said, "You know, we decided to give you the money", "We decided, and my son (who is a commander in the Armoured Corps) said its a nice sum, to give you 1500 shekels (equ. 380 dollars) because you need to buy a lot of stuff". It was more than I thought they could give me and all I could say was: "Thanks a lot". I am the only one in my congregation who is being recruited this year for combat service, therefore they saw the need to support me while I'm preparing for it. He even asked, after seeing some wires in my hands: "Tell me, have you got already an MP3 player?" and I showed him the one that was in my hands. Dunno what he meant, but it sounded as if I just blew a gift the congregation wanted to give me in addition to the monetary help. Again, ask and you shall be given.

I really feel that I must start taking seriously all things I want in the army. To pray for them is the active thing that God requires, for he to give us abundantly. A gift given requires an action - receiving, and that is our prayer and the thanks we give for it before hand. If we do not show our hands, how could he know we trully need/desire something?

Good night.

2007-11-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

I happened to have enough time today to take our laptop to the repair lab in Tel Aviv. For me and my mom it was a bit hard to get to Tel Aviv thinking of the time it takes (about 40 minutes). We finally did, and it was a mess.

First of all, the computer had arrived a month after we ordered it instead of the 10 days they promised. The computer, because it was refurbished, came with no manual or basic information. They said that a refurbished item doesn't have to bring such stuff, but I bought some refurbished items that did come with manuals and information sheets. We ordered a Centrino 1.6 gHz and got a Pentium M 1.5 gHz. It's the same thing basically and I won't make noise for a hundred megahertz. They promised a WiFi card bundled inside the computer. Apparently, as I heard today, that was only an option so I got no WiFi card. They sent a crappy mouse with the computer that didn't work on any computer I tried it on. And no, no apologies letter from the store because it was sent late. I will add that they did not contact me to tell me about the delay they had. I was sure they stole my money and disappeared.

So after two weeks problems started and all just came to a crash. Probably because I did something wrong, and probably because their IBM firmware was just crappy. Or so I was told by a friend who happened to work with IBM laptops for 14 years or so as he checked the computer. So I came in and found a secretary that was willing to accept the computer to take it for repairing but wouldn't hear anything else. I almost screamed that I needed it done for the day as I came from Jerusalem just for that. She said they didn't fix stuff for the day. It would take 10 to 15 days. My mom sarcastically said she hoped it wasn't the same 10 days they promised when we ordered it and became a month. The sarcasm was waved by another "I won't argue about that" from the secretary. I said I would accept another laptop as this one was undoubtelly broken from day one. She said it would be repaired and given to me. Of course, I will have to come and pick it up or pay 12 bucks for it to be sent to my home. She even offered to bring it to a place close to Jerusalem where she lived so we can pick it up. I started barking the problems I found and was handed a paper with space in it to write down my inquiries. I did, every single problem I found. She asked about my order number and I handed her the ticket they gave me. She checked and found my name in their computer. I became upset and said that some guy I spoke to promised a gift for the delay time. She said it was the crappy mouse I got with the computer and I said that the same guy said the mouse will be replaced by a new one and a gift will be talked about for the delay time. She fixed her eyes on mine and slowly said: "Now I understand. I know which David you are. You're the one that wrote that comment about us on the website". Her stare of disappointment nearly killed me. It was me, so I said: "I wrote that based on my experience with your store", but my words were sucked by the deep pain she felt. Her eyes watered and my brain was about to explode.

These are the words which I wrote on the site that sold their product to me. It works like eBay so my comment was a black star in their rating:
"There are no information manuals of any kind. The computer arrived after a month. I do not recommend this store to any person that believes in fair treat and service. A pity to get yourself into this kind of spiritual depression after buying at Orin Computers. Oh, there is no apologies letter - as they don't believe in mistakes from their part. Good luck to anyone who deliberately will endanger himself in nights without sleep and no answers on the phone".

She didn't listen and called another man to attend me. The man came and he stared blankly at the computer and asked what was wrong with it. He checked what my order was in the computer and the secretary pointed: "You better check this comment he wrote". He knew about it. I spoke to him too, after the website called them to try and understand how could a customer be so disappointed. He just showed me I didn't buy the computer with a WiFi card, though I just checked and found I did, and tried to stay calm. The secretary was wiping her "almost" tears and told him that I was told I would be given something as a bonus for the delay time. She found a new mouse and handed it to me. I repeated what I was told and he apparently remembered that he was the one who spoke to me. Without thinking he took a laptop case and gave it to me, asking if it was a fair gift. I said it was more than fair. I was about to ask for something cheaper, but he gave me this beautiful case. I sent the computer to repair but felt so bad about my comment and how it affected them. I believe a comment needs to be to the point and reflect my true experience with the store, but I think I regret it. A bit. Even though I'm not the only one. I've seen they got many other comments like mine. Tomorrow I will speak to them about the WiFi thing, because I was supposed to receive one. After that I will call the site and cancel my comment. After all is done with the repair and that I will post a new one stating what happened in the end. They did their best. Maybe I was wrong. The case was worth 30 dollars and I was about to ask for something worth 10. That impressed me, and I think I owe them one. Nevertheless I think that I won't be able to buy any more items from them. They got awesome prices, but my comment marked it all for me and I don't think I will have the guts to ever buy from them.

Honesty has its price.
Good night.

2007-11-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

Doing some order in my thoughts concerning the great event of this month (entering the Israel Defense Forces) I thought that perhaps I should start using this little virtual friend of mine called blog to keep those memories of my first months in the army. As a salute to that new stage I'm about to enter I decided to rename it "Faceist Matters: Protecting Zion". A name that will stay as long as I need it.
Meanwhile I'm mostly resting, nursing ideas and trying really hard to make a clear path for an idea I might patent.

It takes some time to find the million dollar idea that hides within your hidden genius in your mind. Infinite Intelligence is opening slowly and I wish I could talk to Napoleon Hill about it.
Anyone reading this: Run to a book store and grab the first copy you see of Napoleon's "Think & Grow Rich". You'll thank me for that. If you think that being rich is unethical, evil or vicious and don't want to hear another opinion on that - get lost. You're a waste of human material and a shame to your own person, humanity and God, who expects you to do more with the standard brains he gave you. I do feel sorry for you.

Here starts another page in my blog. We'll see how it evolves.
I became intolerant with people that despise God's ultimate creation - the human brain. I know that.

Good night.

2007-06-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

Late news. Actually pretty embarrasing, being I a great fan of Audioslave. I just can't believe it.

I just happened to check out Chris Cornell's MySpace profile a couple of days ago, and I found some nice tracks that he released in his new album 'Carry On' which saw light recently. Well, how the hell I didn't know about it? Simple, no effective radio stations around. I just heard the theme song he recorded for the last James Bond film "You know my name", but that was it. I mean, this stupid radio station which is supposed to be the best around, just doesn't play stuff that is a bit too loud. And I must protest against the black music industry that is killing other music genres. I just hate black music. If there is a music genre you could tuck in as black that I like, it would be blues. That's it. About R'nB and today's rap or hip-hop, I just hope those music genres fade away and die.

Now, the album was released recently, but I didn't even check for any Cornell solo album because I was pretty sure that he wasn't the same as a solo artist. But the guy seems to be not only a bit selfish, but also a pure nerd that keeps trying. I just found out about the album, and I got a bad feeling. I checked today some stuff in YouTube and found little comments such as "May Cornell have luck in his new career", or "We'll keep Audioslave's legacy". And I was thinking to myself - "What the hell? It can't be true!". Checking Audioslave's MySpace profile I found out that there were no tour dates or anything, meaning only that the band was dead. But I needed proof.

I tried to google "Audioslave" but the search bar suggested "Audioslave break up". And it was it. I got the proof, the anger and also some sadness, and nothing could be done. They split up on February just as Cornell fested over his new recordings. What happened is that Cornell wanted commercial stuff of his own on Audioslave. Morello, who happened to be Brad Wilk's and Tim Commerford's "father" wanted some political stuff on as well. And that was the trigger resulting in Cornell deciding he wanted to play music he liked. Good for him. Audioslave is dead now, and a bunch of fans like myself are left behind crying.

But for every sad story there is also the bright side.
Tom Morello has impressed me with his album "One man revolution" which was released by him as "The Nightwatchman", a political act that plays mainly in front of small auditions. The guy has showed now that he can sing pretty well, rocking a classical guitar instead of an electric. The guy amazes me just like when he is making an electric guitar sing. Good album. Very quiet and acoustic, but with great lyrics and good performance. Now that Audioslave's history, Tom wants to focus on his solo career. He got dried from Audioslave, and he needed some political stuff to bring him to life.

Another good thing is that Rage Against the Machine will probably be back. As for now, they agreed (remember, 6 years of silence) to have a few concerts. I just got the word that they even got some gig in december. It couldn't be better, RATM alive and full as never before. Tom got what he needed and I, as thousands and thousands of fans, are very happy with it.

And those were some news.
Good Night.

P.S. To anyone interested in knowing why am I posting this thing: 1) I love RATM and just wanted to spread the word. 2) Those were news that marked the week. 3)I'm just trying to build an effective "review tone" and capabilities of writing. I just feel I must open in this way of writing. Enjoy.

2007-05-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hey there buddy. It seems as if I should hit you with more posts everyweek. I just don't build my routine well enough. A blog is essential, and for that reason I should try to focus on different matters each time. At least just to teach myself to write not only from the mood, but from routine itself.
So, here it goes.

Well, I didn't state it. But my mom is out of the country. For two weeks already. She comes back next Thursday.

This state brought the fresh 18-year-old me to a test (yeah, fresh test) of my ability as an adult to manage stuff. My two lovely brothers do nothing but trouble and noise. And I am not that much of an authority around here. And I feel very bad because of it.
I taught myself to keep cool and be fair enough as to decide. But they don't think so. If I try to settle down a matter it always gets to the classic: "You're unfair!", or worse - "You just care about the other and not about me!". It is hard.

As a rookie psychoanalist, I feel frustrated by them both because I don't see their development as good and healthy. My sister, although she's 14 tends to be too hard. She doesn't like to be forced to be the elder after me. She doesn't let go when my brother is too stuck on something.
As for my dear brother, the things are pretty difficult. First, because he feels the pressure of being the young from us three, secondly, because he is a pure Israeli boy.

The pressure he feels becomes his weapon. He feels it is his duty to act as a small child, and so he doesn't force his mind to grow up. His head uses no logic, just - Fair or Unfair. This child brain of his sees all the world as a scale that is there to do "justice". He just forgets that he can be a good human being and give up some times. His Israeli temper tells him that in order to be a normal kid, he should make the world swing around him. And this is how he turns everything into a hell.
He forgets his leaks and falls and remembers only his good acts, as to prove himself righteous when I rage (mostly not) because he won't listen.

Now this makes me look at myself, when I was a kid. After all, I am no longer a kid.
So I remember when I was his age. Just twelve years old.

I wasn't a normal kid. I didn't behave like one. Mostly because I was the firstborn and many of my friends had big brothers. I didn't really grow up in a normal way.
I was a little boy, burguese who didn't ever feel the need for anything. I had it all. I was the firstborn of a Justice Court secretary and a successful lawyer mostly known as Dr. Minsky. Yes, in a little city with not so many intellectuals a lawyer was seen as a very honorable person, even more than the judges themselves and my father was well known in the city.
So there was me, little son-of-intellectual - a child with a whole future ahead of him. I will surelly be a lawyer like my father or a doctor and yes, I will too have it all - a nice house, a good wife, good children and a notably new car. I actually didn't see myself as that, I just wasn't aware of it. I felt I was "normal" like everyone else.

And there fell tragedy as rock.
The strong court man, Dr. Minsky as was known was diagnosed with a tumor in his left cerebral lobe. This tumor was about to change the rules, and everything around.
Soon I was lost between test of this and that. I don't remember many things about that first stage in his illness, but I remember the night my mom had to take him to another city for him to be treated there. I was puzzled, I was even euforic in a bad way. I couldn't sleep and all I could think of was getting myself in that ambulance where he would soon leave to seek treatment in a city located 500 kilometers from where I was. I was so puzzled that I forgot the way to the Hospital, in a city I knew pretty well. It wasn't far from its center, and I was about 10 minutes from there, but my mind was blank and my godmother hold me before I actually made it to the door. And I was frustrated. As a son to a mother that quit her job when I was 3 years old just because I asked her to, I was very attached to my mother. And I trully missed her that night. I was worried about my father's condition, but I must say it didn't concern me as much as the fact my mom was leaving me and my brothers and traveling to another place with no limit of time. I actually feel bad for it.
And in this way I actually started growing up. I was left there, and this dissattachment from my mother brought a different person to change the little kid that was in me. There I started forging myself and my character. I was forced to be the eldest, the good and accurate and now, for the first time - the man who could do almost anything.

My father came home after a long time between surgery, studies and therapy. I saw him once right after he was operated. He had some gauze around his head and looked like a man who just happened to fall. Today I know the nurses put it not only to protect the stitches from infection, but also from our little eyes who where not prepared for it.
The day he came home, which was a while after that (for me it all happened in a week now that I look back) he was different. He looked different, acted different and his head was now seen. The first thing I remember is that I didn't believe and didn't want to believe it was him. He looked so different that it was like having to accept another dad, some other guy. The stitches where still visible (some days after that they took them off) and it all looked as if his skull sunk in a perfect rainbow. From some inches in front of his left ear to the back of it, almost touching the part where the top of the skull begins.

He could barelly do anything right. He was puzzled all the time and it took him a while to remember a bit of everything. He had difficulties speaking and explaining things. He managed to drive a bit (he loved to) but it scared us so much that my mom decided to drive instead. So this man was now disabled, capable of doing stuff but with much difficulty and I had to assist him in almost everything. With time I became a master in taking care of a disabled man, and I was only 7 or 8. The difference impacted me, because this man was my father. The one who always helped me out.

And now, as I look back, I can't compare myself to my brother. I was very madure when I was his age. I was an inmigrant in a foreign land who wanted me to show some teeth before they accepted me. My father's death only showed me that now officialy - I was the man of the house. And so I became tougher. The peacemaker and the one that gave in to anything. I had to be like that.

I grew up differently. I had a mom, who was with me all the time. And a father who worked enough hours to keep us living in a high-standart of living, with enough time for me alone. I was the firstborn. The pearl of them both. I was their pride, their dreams and their future. And I was the pioneer who would open the way bravely for his brothers. And I found myself alone, as a man in a family - but also a kid who just wanted to grow up as everyone else. But I had to opt for being the man. And I had no other choise.

It's so different. To see my brother, who's genetic code is almost as mine, but still so different from me. With a choise and a wish to be a kid. I just don't want to pop his chance of being what I couldn't, or what I was for a short period of time. But I sometimes feel forced to, because I was forged like that. I became that. There is a tremendous gap in my childhood, and I don't remember most of it because my mind became so tired of it it just got deleted. As I said, all this nightmare of 7 years fitted in a week.

I don't know if I feel bad for growing up this way, or proud for it. I just would like to know what it could have been like to live the other version. With no hard nights thinking of my dying father, or my weak mother who just became a raging lioness to my surprise. Just a typical family, that goes to church every Sunday, goes on a cool vacation every year around Argentina. Gets to celebrate its own holiday - "Bugger's Day" on September the third somewhere. That still doesn't see the importance of being Jewish. That doesn't think about getting around Israel. A family that is just settled in Argentina. With a nice house on the surroundings of the city, a garden and a nice dog that keeps it. To be a boy who just sees his own tree everymorning, who has a childhood home that he adores. Full of good memories and charged with lessons for the future.

And maybe, other little voices will run again around this house in some years. Following the grey in the hair of the old parents who will now feel acomplished. And another generation is completed, in the mythological Great Argentina.

Good night.

2007-05-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Hello there, again sorry for leaving you for a while. Just tired, or lazy, or both. As a matter of fact I've been rushing in and out of school for the last days. Nothing like I knew before. A couple of schoolmates and I had to finish preparing a big project for biology. The whole thing is something like 100 pages or more (forgot completely) on four reports we did. A headache, felt like a lawyer this last days, really. But today people, I finished it and I handed it in as a final project - done and neat. Now back to the last news.

First, I will ask politelly from all of you to remain silent for one minute, in memoriam of my psychometric test.
(minute of silence)
I got 512 which is not poor but less than that. A completelly mess. That means I will have to do it again sometime this year. But nevermind.

News to party on are that I smoothed my way through pilot tests at the Air Force, which doesn't say much as it's the first stage, but it cheers me up in some way. I am after all, in my way up there. As for other stuff from the army, I didn't get anything yet.

Lag BaOmer (33 to the count of the Omer, a count that starts after Pessach) went by. I had a fire with friends of my congregation and other youth groups. We stayed all the night, finishing at 7:30 next morning. It was really fun, just eating and eating. More eating and more eating. And some chat too, of course. Then some tunes on guitar and some more eating. I finished the whole thing half dead. Went home, had a shower half asleep. Rested on my bed and that's all I remember. I woke up at four P.M. exactly, and was tired for most of the remainings of the day. I went to sleep but the "cool" Jerusalem struck everything with a hot night. Something like 30 degrees at night. Nothing like the 35 under humidity I knew from my homeland Argentina but pretty much the same. But I slept and the sleep was good enough to allow me to get up with no problem at 6. Lag BaOmer, cool after all.

So, there goes my update on the tough week.
Now a little survey for dessert.
Enjoy.

001. real name → Navid, nah. Just kidding. Something like that.
002. nickname → Josi, at home or with family. Minsky, almost everyone uses my surname to refer to me. Don't remember the others but I got quite a few. Ah, Nano. It was used exclusivelly by my father. Since he died no one uses it anymore.
003. single or taken → I took myself okay?! Single. What is taken anyway? (those finns don't know how to write in English)
004. zodiac sign → A bull, for some reason. Taurus.
005. male or female → Male, though there are those who think differently.
006. elementary → San Martin, Tartagal. I finished again sixth grade in Dror, Mevasseret Zion.
007. middle → Hayovel, Mevasseret Zion.
008. high → Audre Rapoport Giv'at Gonen High School.
010. hair color → Brown, at times it becomes lighter. Was blonde when I was a kid. I'm so old.
011. long or short → Long, very long. Every hairdresser's lust.
015. are you health freak → I think I am. I trully think about everything I eat. I don't add salt to anything. Began a process of doing the same thing with sugar.
016. height → Oh, c'mon. Next question! Somewhere around 163 cm.
017. do you have a crush on someone → I'm avoiding it. Hey, this thing is supposed to be confidential.
018. do you like yourself → I think I could do better but I'm happy.
019. piercings → None. If I get one I will have to get also a new place to live. Restrictions by my mother.
020. tattoos → None.
021. righty or lefty → My dad was lefty but he was forced to write with the right hand. I got part of his genetic codes in this one. I am righty with hands, but lefty with my legs.

FIRSTS:

022. first surgery → No one sliced me yet.
023. first piercing → Hopefully my movements will be regarded by allowing me to have one before the army. But there's no rush for it.
024. first best friend → My cousin I guess.
025. first award → A small gift (a pen) for being so perseverant. My perseverance started a family tradition called "The Bugger's Day" celebrated on September the 3rd.
026. first sport you joined → Grass Hockey, or was it Basketball. One of both. Played football as a kid.
027. first pet dog → Gringa, a cute female dog who died on my first day of kindergarden. She gave me one of my latter dogs, Falucho who died four years ago at the age of 15 I think.
028. first vacation → The first one outside big Argentina was U.S.A. I don't remeber a thing. Two years old.
029. first concert → The first big one was a band I still like called Puerto Seguro. My mom drove me and my cousin to it. It was something like 100 Km from our city.
030. first crush → Agustina, age 5. We talked on messenger some months ago. It was really weird.

CURRENTLY:

049. eating → Pizza, in a while when I finish this thing.
050. drinking → Water.
052. i'm about to → Write an email and sign me and a friend to the One Thing conference in Jerusalem.
053. listening to → Birds near my house. The wind and of course the traffic down Talpiot.
055. waiting for → The Messiah to come back. I really don't know what.
057. wearing → Jeans, as usual. My "Cabroon Network" T-shirt and my camouflaged Crocs-like.

YOUR FUTURE:

058. want kids? → I started thinking it over. I'll adopt I guess.
059. want to get married → Could be.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

068. lips or eyes? → This is a stupid question. No comment.
069. hugs or kisses? → Dunno
070. shorter or taller? → C'mon. A bit of both if possible.
072. romantic or spontaneous? → Romantic or spontaneous, so stupid. The words aren't opposed. I tend to dislike spontaneouslly stuff.
073. nice stomach or nice arms? → Pass.
074. sensitive or loud? → They aren't opposed! Both are fine with me.
075. hook-up or relationship? → Relationship?
077. trouble maker or hesitant? → None, just someone smart enough to not be both.

HAVE YOU EVER:

078. kissed a stranger → No.
079. drank bubbles → Yes, and I don't recommend it.
080. lost glasses/contacts → I'm 6/6. Yeah.
081. ran away from home → Never had the guts. Never really wanted to.
082. broken any bones → Only fissures. I'm made of calcium.
084. broken someone's heart → I don't track all my records you know. Ask people around me, they wouldn't tell me who.
085. been arrested → No, but I happened to testify against a punk who almost killed a guy in my school. Sorry, a gay in my school.
086. turned someone down → It happened a couple of times. There is someone who perseveres for some reason.
087. cried when someone died → Happens too, you know.
088. liked a friend → Stupid question.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. yourself --> Lol. I guess so. (if I say "I guess" then I'm not. Right)
090. miracles → Of course.
091. love at first sight → Urban legend made for Hollywood stupid movies.
092. heaven → Yes.
093. santa claus → Stupid capitalist.
094. love on the first date → Happens, but I have my doubts everytime I hear about it.
095. kissing on the first date → Also happens. Not speaking from experience.
096. angels → No, I believe in Agents with black glasses sent by God. Yes. I really will like to see them. Gabe and Mike the archangels especially.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. is there one or more people you want to be with right now? I'm fine with myself. Thanks.
098. had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? I thought it only happened in first grade.
099. do you believe in God? Ask Him.
100. do you have to pee right now? Em... Yes. Just a moment please.

Thanks to Tytts for posting this so I could steal it from her blog. Sources are privileged, I won't post the link.
Thanks Tytts!

2007-04-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

There are those times when you really shouldn't be opening your mouth. Just keeping words inside long enough not to do the wrong thing. But sometimes it seems that you should get them out. So here it goes, poetry in real time. No writtings, no tricks. Just plain poetry written right now.
I will suggest not commenting on its meaning, or giving it a shot to try and decipher what I meant. Please.

I've based this whole thing on a song by Foo Fighters called "Skin and Bones", which is the tone I need for such a thing as this. Hidden meaning.

Little steps, So close they stand
Clear I see it in my mind
Feeling her when I'm alone
I'm alone
I'm alone

Dreams and chords
Dreams and chords
Dreams songs filling on

My brain's filling on

She comes in, then she is back
Sometimes laughing in the dark
When there's silence, she ain't gone
She ain't gone
She ain't gone

Dreams and chords
Dreams and chords
Dreams and songs filling on

Dreams and thoughts
Dreams I know
Dreams I fear filling on

But she ain't gone

One last thing, please let me ask
Are you real, will you last
Please don't say: "Just ignore"
I don't want
I don't want

Dreams and thoughts
Dreams I know
Dreams I can't let go

Dreams I get
To understand
As if you were saying, no

No, I won't go
I won't go

And there you have it, a full piece written just now. Thanks to the Foos for their music, inspiring.
Pretty much what I can't describe in words. I guess poetry is mainly that: "say much with less", and that is what I like about it. Its melted plastic you can play with until you get what you want with it. The audience gets it in a different and very private way. From what I see, this piece could be one of Hendrix's songs, as it could be inferred from it that it speaks about dope. Bottom line: Do whatever you want with it. Only I know the meaning.

So I guess I'll go to sleep now.

2007-03-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

Angels exist, believe it or not they do. I just happened to have a small and brief encounter with one. Well, he wasn't really wearing a white robe or showing his wings, but his acts showed me that people can be so good you could even say that certainly they should be given a ticket to Heaven. So sad to know many of them don't, or can't have one now without Him.

It all happened as I and a friend of mine ran for the bus. We got to it just as it was leaving the bus-stop, I opened by backpack to take out my wallet and as I did it I jumped into the bus. I heard something falling and as I looked down around me I found nothing. It all was fast. I jumped out of the bus and looked underneath it. My diskman was there, under the bus, something like a meter away from me and I couldn't reach it. So I asked the confused bus driver - "Could you please reverse a few centimeters, my diskman is there". He just said no and in no-time I calculated the angle the wheels will do, and certainly my dear Sony will be history soon. So I asked - "Are you just going to run it over?" and the pictures in my head were of me buying an iPod 'cuz diskmans are not an option anymore. He didn't understand that I couldn't reach it therefore I asked him to go backwards a few centimeters to save him time and me a very uncomfortable situation. But as I finished saying this I felt someone pushing me away, I just saw how he jumped and landed on his belly, reaching with his hand the diskman. I was puzzled and amazed at the same time, I just said "Thank you very much, brother", he just gave it to me quickly and then added something that I wouldn't ever dream to hear from someone that has just done something for me - "Nothing to thank me for TSADIK (Hebrew word for 'JUST'), may you enjoy a prosperous and long life".
This guy wasn't just someone from the street, as it may have sounded even more acceptable. This guy was not a religius from the Zionistic kind, it was an orthodox guy. A black-suited, black-Kipped (a new verb for Kippa), penguin as he may look to some.

Many times I twitch my nose as I speak about orthodox Jews. They are not something I see as good. They give nothing back to the State that pays their living, they don't go to defend the land on the army and they just make noise. They see people like me, called mostly 'seculars', as bad and not connected to Judaism. They see me as the traitor who selled his identity for utopic ideas as Zionism or worst than that - humanism. But as this guy told me this words I was puzzled, first because I wasn't wearing a kippa showing no connection to Judaism apparently, and second because even if I was wearing one, I wasn't orthodox and therefore certainly not a 'just' like they see it.

I did not see his face, don't know his name. Puzzled as I was I saw him rush for his bus just as mine closed the doors. And it was dark. The bus driver was shocked, now he showed some simpathy - "How did he get under there so fast? I haven't seen something like that in my life" he said. And I just said something that for some reason wasn't heard "An angel".
As I was discussing the weird 5 seconds that were this situation's part in history with my friend I noticed how this guy without saying a word put his own life at risk for a stupid diskman. The bus driver had no patience and wanted to close the doors, he could have just driven away while this guy was by the wheel. It was something I missed when it happened. So this guy without even knowing me did something crazy to save something that wasn't worth his own risk.

And as I sat in the bus, going on to another Deepend performance I just said - "God, there are good people among them. Bless this one. Amen". It all happened fast, but the impression it left in me, my friend and the driver is something freakingly great. No one from the other passengers said nothing, they apparently didn't see anything. It was just me taking the bus, nothing more.

So here goes this story of how you may see urban heroes doing nothing than their basic job - helping human beings, the living images of God's wisdom. This guy did something from his heart, and not in order to receive any prize, just to help. He sanctified the God he believes in through his act, and indeed changed my view on his fellows forever. I just wonder if he will get to be a 'perfect-Jew' just like me, who lives the law of Moses and has the bonus of knowing God's Son, Yeshua. May it happen, Amen.

2007-03-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hey there. Well, nothing is really there to bother me writting about in a way you could see as artistic and/or professional. But I would like to summarize and argue a few things about this past week.

Let's start with the main thing: school.
School is slowly becoming my past, and as it happens I feel as if I'm not ready for it yet. I don't know really what would I be like after it's over. Since the bad feelings about school started (most stupid people say 12 years or from the first grade, they really don't know what they are talking about. We'll discuss this people a little bit more later on this post) probably at the age of 13 or 14, I started dreaming for the day I won't have to see those doors again. I dreamed about the day when I would be afraid nomore to receive letters home telling my mom that I "just missed a couple or more" (you count it) works, or even classes. As a matter of fact I really hoped this day would come, the sooner the better. And now I'm here waiting and counting my last days of high school and I can't do anything to stop it.

People always tell: "When it's over, you'll want it back" and now I understand all that. I understand why they say that and why its true. So this days are almost over, officialy June the 20th, but in two weeks I would be seeing the school less and less and concentrating more on preparing for exams. So this thing has started.

On to another subject.
The army and why not the university.

So my studies are almost over and the hour is approaching when I must decide whether to go to the army now and serve my three years as a soldier, or wait a bit and study meanwhile. After I get my degree (hopefully M.D or Medicinæ Doctor in plain language) I will have a chance to serve. But, well everything in life has a cost and all this bureaucracy happens to demand a price. As I'm still debating with myself this things about studying I find out that I'm supposed to pay an equivalent of 80-85 dollars just to get an appointment at the university. And I'm supposed to do the same thing at three different universities which means I'm paying something like 270 dollars for the whole thing. Add to it the pamyments for the psychometric lessons (also 270 dollars) and the payment for the test, which also is 80-85 dollars. Well, I end up paying loads of money for something I'm not sure off. I wonder if it couldn't be better to just go to the army, be a sniper or a paramedic or something and leave all this headache for some years. I must decide, as time is getting away easily. March 27th is my last day to send the payments and my details to the army, and as I think more of it I get to the conclusion they are going to get my denial. I can't pay so much for something I don't really want. Bah. The army.

So let's move on.
I was checking some links today and I found a myspace.com account of a friend, a female friend. Since December 2006 she hasn't post anything there. And I looked at the last post.
"I met someone... He's really nice to me... I love him and we plan to get married in July" (in short, of course)
So I thought "Oh my God! I'm getting recruited in July" oops. Sorry... I thought "Oh my God, who plans to get married at 20?!?" and I couldn't believe my eyes. She told me about this thing she's planing to do. Get married. She also told me about the fact they are living together right now in a house with a dog, just like two happily married people. Of course, kids there aren't because they still are not married! Something's wrong, something is really wrong. But I tried, I tried to be gentle and give her a little bit of feedback.
She sees it as normal - "I must live with someone some time to know if I could get along with him for the rest of my life".
Cool, but the rest of your life is something like 80 years!
- "Well, in my family people don't live and get to see those ages. I'm very sick, I got this and that and those..."
Well, I don't think your health will like to have kids at this age. If it's true, I suppose your body can't hold pregnancy yet why not wait?
- "Well, in my family there had always been problems of getting pregnant so I must do it quick"
I don't see the problem. Just adopt some kids, there is no shortage of lonelly kids looking for love in this world. I myself will adopt.
- "It's not the same. I will adopt too, but I need to know what is it like"

This would be a good conversation but it never happens. Some of the arguments are true by the way, I told her that and she answered like that. What I don't like is that is all looks like a kastach meaning its a pretext. I try hard but I see it all as a pretext. There is something about her sister too, that makes me think everything she says is a pretext. I just get mad about it.
Sometimes people act like that. They make big stuff out of nothing and every little thing looks enormous. Why? I can say now it's the lack of attention they get, but I really can't think of it just that way. I don't like to judge adults, but it all has to do with the way people raise up their children. My mom never told me to get married quickly, as her mother did. I guess that's the answer. The way you raise your children. What makes me feel bad about it is that she will eventually get married and I bet it will be this summer. She'll be happy about it, dressed in white on a horse or some other dream of her. Everything will look so perfect and good. But I am too good if I say it will hold 2 years. There is no base to that relationship, there is no base to that family in potential and there is no wisdom. She's a good believer and I guess she does her decisions according to the Will of God, but she's just a little girl with some dreams. And I'm not lying. He is a nice guy, I see he'll get to do big things. But his time has not yet come. None of them have started learning anything and to hold a family is not an easy issue economically. I just think there should be some thinking on this, it is too fast. Too quickly and I don't see the good end of it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I prefer to be careful. Just that.

So here goes my post on how this world moves. Of course, from my point of view in this part of the earth.
Good night.

2007-01-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

I won't open this post without saying that I offer the world my greatest condolences for the "legal" murder of Mr. Saddam Hussein, Iraq's ex-dictator who was accused of the murder of 142 Shiites (without mentioning his crimes against the Kurds and the killing of one Israeli in the 1991 Gulf war, among many others) and sentenced to the capital punishment of death by hanging, by the Supreme Court of Baghdad last year. Although he appealed that sentence, pardon was refused to him and he was hanged the morning of the 30th December, 2006.
This man was guilty indeed, but the capital punishment is not a punishment but a release of punishment. This will be a matter for the next post.

In the 21 century, when the world claims to be modern, it is inconceivable to accept such barbaric treatment of a human being. And I just want to point that even being a Zionist and radical in many ways, I do not support capital punishment. The US have to check what they based their constitution on, the Bible. If it is so, they will certainly find that the Lord did not support murder. He called everyone to grant pardon for anyone and be kind. To kill, even the worst of the murderers, is opposed to the teachings of the Great Master.

Rest in peace, Saddam Hussein. A human being whose life was taken by the blood thirst of the world. Soon, we'll see how the world will pay such death.

Now let's move to a topic, connected a bit to what I stated above. I read a book called "The Chamber", by John Grisham. Just a master.
It tempted me to think a lot over the subject of execution and capital punishment, and it certainly took me to the statement I wrote. During that time I had a work to do for English and one of the tasks was to write something, could be anything from a poem to an artistic work, about a song I translated. I opted for the song "Walking after you" by Foo Fighters and there came this text that was commented on as a 'masterpiece' by my number one fan: the English teacher. I saw it as good and relevant to post here as it goes a bit with what I went through in the last month. But, don't get me wrong, I by no means think this shows my feelings. I just find suspense a bit nice for writing. And I love to show frantic and violent pictures for some reason. Anyone who knows me knows pretty well I am not violent. Enjoy.

P.S: You could find a part where I took some lines from "The Chamber" in the end.

Oven Firewood

It was long after dark, when he reached the old cliff in which he used to play when he was a child. It was a quiet night and it had been said it would rain.
He stared at the trees down by the lake. The same trees that used to be his shelter long ago, but not anymore. He had tried to change them for better buildings. Buildings that could keep him warm.
The moonlight left a stripe of silver on the lake, which distorted as a cold breeze shook its waters.
It was cold, and rain was a right guess for any natural event that could come in those moments. Nevertheless he stood still, looking at the trees.
Every time he felt unable to find a shelter he came up to this spot, where he looked at the trees. He stared at them for a long time, making sure he understood that he wasn't a kid anymore. Making sure that he now was an adult, trees were only his source of oxygen, not his shelter.
But this time it was different.

She said it twice. Her words soft to his ears, but like acid to his inside. He felt burning. And he knew why.
She tried to explain desperately, but he needed no explanation. She didn't want him, and such a fool he was to think his fear was nonsense. That he would make it this time.
After her cold sermon, that seemed to take an eternity, he felt unable to speak.
He only could add a soft lie that ended it all: "I love you, and I respect you. Therefore, I understand your reasons". She then looked at him, at his blank eyes that showed nothing but death, and with a smile said: "Thank you. I knew you would understand me". It was time for her to say good bye and add the classic "we are still friends, right?", and she did. No response came from him, none was suitable for now.
That was it. The end of another short, same basis story.

No tears were available, as he knew this feeling pretty well. Therefore he could only look. Stare blankly at the trees. Down there, near the lake.

He sat suddenly at the edge of the cliff and spent another 10 minutes looking down. Trying to find a reason for this happening again. Nothing came, except for the trees.
A tree was always a symbol for a new start, a new beginning, and after all that used to calm him down a bit after the same thing happened over and over again.
This time he felt it was over, no new beginnings or starts would come. Nothing will ever make him feel what he felt for her, or for anybody. He had no family and that would be easy. He didn't have to love anybody, as no one ever loved him or felt sorry for his bad luck.

He turned again to take a look at the road. It was empty. No vehicles except for his car. And suddenly he had an idea. Disappear.
He went back to his car. His dear old Chevy from the 70's, which he adored. He turned the key and the engine breathed to life.
He drove something like 80 meters from the cliff and turned around. He stared for a moment to make sure no other cars were coming, and pressed the gas pedal to the top as his two liters engine roared to life. The car took the 80 meters ride pretty well and at the end turned to his right, in the direction of the cliff. The car flew as its wheels lost contact with the ground.
Twenty meters below the cliff there was a crash, and after 3 seconds a blast, and suddenly, the whole bunch of trees were on fire.

He rose up to his feet from the ground to see his amazing work. And he stared, laughing at his old trees burning down. He almost flew off the cliff along with his car. After he opened the door he came to a stop half a meter from the cliff, and that was what he wanted.
He laughed, as he saw his old Chevy burning.
Minutes passed by and when he turned around to start making his way to his old home, about ten minutes from where he was, he saw a car.
He recognized it, it was Karen's. Stopped by the cliff and came to him with tears in her eyes. She said she was sorry, and that she didn't know what happened, and why she had said what she said. She hugged him and told him she still loved him.
He only said: "Don't worry, honey. Everything's ok".
Suddenly, she saw the lights of the fire down the cliff. She heard a few more blasts, little ones.
She went to the edge and looked down. "What happened? Isn't that your Chevy?", she asked.
He smiled and said: "Nothing happened. Everything's ok".
Terror was in her eyes. He came next to her and hugged her. She was puzzled.
A cold, long silence reigned for about a minute, and he said: "Listen, Karen. I don't think this could work out".
"Why not?", she asked, and her eyes filled with fear. Tears started to come down her face. He gently kissed her. She looked at him even more puzzled.
He turned around, then stopped and turned towards her begging eyes. "Because".
He pushed her down the cliff to the sea of fire. She fell, as he screamed "Because!" several times. And then silence.
She fell by the driver's open door and was in flames immediately. Just as he wanted.

She didn't move. She made no sound. Her death was "quick and painless". As it was said in his father's report of execution.
After all, it seems that this kind of violence comes in from his genes, but he felt very relaxed after all. Next would be Alice.
He went back to her car. The engine was still on. He sat in the driver's seat and closed the door.
Alice lived not far from here, and she was surely sleeping by now. He turned around and sped away.

2006-12-23T01:21:00.000-08:00

As time goes I feel more and more comfortable with myself. It may not be the right time to say it, but the feeling is there. I was pissed of, I was so dissapointed of myself, I nearly hated myself. But I'm no EMO boy, so why show it?
It was the right moment for Hannukka, I had the time I wanted to think. Here and there a little homework, but time was the thing I needed.
Laura may say that I'm right. I really see it as right too, and the fact is there is nothing time can't break. Time can make the biggest things happen.

This week my I was left alone one day to concentrate on homework. Everyone left to Rosh Hanikra a very nice coast, 50 meters from the border with Lebanon. I knew the place, therefore it didn't hurt to not be able to come.
There you could see how time works. There are caves, huge caves all made of time. Drops of water carved the stone for millions (scientifics say, go figure if they're right) of years untill all the big halls and caves where formed. Time also made those stones stronger and today for just a few cents (well, I guess the cents are some bucks) you can see the powers of nature.
So time, again showing it's strength.

This last weeks where a struggle. Really, I felt I couldn't take it further and I decided the best thing to do was to tell her about it. I told her everything, what happened what I felt and my thoughts on our relationship. She understood it, I felt so weird 'cuz I expected something else to happen. I expected tears and all that, but she understood it. Everything seemed to be fine. Then, at the farewells moment I realized that everything I told her was in vain. She did not have a clue what I meant. Well she had, but she apparently understood a "break-time" was just untill I could focus on her back, after all the exams.

The next few days I was being eaten from inside, I knew she got it wrong and I needed to replace the theory on her mind in a way she could get easily, though softly enough not to kill her. Being direct many times is the good way to go. So I understood from the first chat. I just tried to not hurt her and so I used words such as "break-time" and "pause".
I came to realize the damage I did as I made her think this was momentaneous and would have and end. Then everything will come back.

Next time I was more concentrated on the task, and not in the way I said it. I don't remember how many talks we had on the subject before she actually understood that I just couldn't say I love her, feeling 100% well with it.
It was hard, I felt bad about it and she wanted to die. She wasn't prepared to understand her fear was now a reality.

As days passed by I noticed she couldn't let go. She all the time kept remembering me "that maybe one day..." or "God may decide it's the right thing one day...". By the way, all these thoughts were created by me mainly. I didn't want to hurt her and I used soft terms and vain promises.
Finally, I can say today it just came to an end. Though I feel she is not over with it yet, but time. Oh yes, time will do its work.

I feel better and I really see all this as over. I feel so dumb for the way I said all this to her, but I guess it was for good. We are still very good friends, it won't be the same as before but what about another Finn good friend? Nothing bad with it. Not really.
So here's the end of my story. I will post some short story I wrote for English last year. It has something to do with all this, a bit frightening but that is what I had in mind. The story had to be connected to a book I read about an execution, so be prepared. Next post.

2006-12-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

A man's best friend

A man's best friend
shouldn't be his dog
or cat
or even his neighbor

A man's best friend
Is not his greed
ambition
or health

As all these lead to treason
As they came they went
In the end the man is left
Too many reasons in his mind
To not be able to trust, anyone

Yet this man has got something
It is there, too quiet to find
All his faith lays in loneliness
The company of the own soul

Apart from Him
The truthful God
A man's best friend
is the silence in his heart

I got thinking about this verses, or some of them that appeared in my mind today. It all happened after we met Shimon Adaf, a song and prose writer who came to talk today at school.
It all was about his work, his reasons to write, his passion for the ink.
I could find myself getting caught easily in his speech. I was absorbing every word of it and finding my points as others asked him about his techniches. I was answering myself those questions.

I find it really enjoyable, finding ways to express my thoughts on paper. I enjoy writing just as I enjoy listening to music. I really don't understand why people just banned his words saying he was too boring. For the fat part of it, it was really interesting.
I must admit that before some months I considered poems or songs just a waste of time. I usually waved everything that was similar to, what I called then, "bullshit" thinking it was just a bunch of words with no meaning trying to fool me. Some actually are, but many are not.

I just realized today how much I needed to hear that what I feel while I write is normal. I needed that pinch of solidarity, and in some way I found it today on Adaf's talk.
I think I really have to take my feelings further, if it is by this medium then why not?
So I will be posting stuff soon. This verses are a combination of a two minute writing today when I was waiting for the bus, plus another 3 of fast thinking now.

Today was just a day. Had an exam on Hebrew expression, and to judge by my feel I think it went pretty good. I wrote an article based on someone who wrote about the lessons of the Holocaust from the point of view of today's techniches to do it, which is mostly through a trip to Poland. He thought that it was wrong as it wasn't centered in Israel or the Jewish people. I got my point and attacked the Jewish ego. But this is some topic for another time.

So after that I had the talk with the writer and later went home.
I just kept thinking today of the Commando Units available and opted to take the long shot, "The Unit". It is the hardest unit, but I got the feel this was to be my choice. I feel fine with it.
I just started gaining back my training tradition, which I left after I saw my chances to be in the Air Force were way to low to take that shot. Still, I got too many questions about it. May God help me decide.

This eve I was to the "Spanish School". Just by the Finn one. Had a great time though I really felt pissed off. I saw the entrance to the Finn School and it all remembered me of how fresh is the pain of letting Tytti and Laura go. Tomorrow Ruha, maybe the only one who can help me now, is flying to Finland too. It just can't be true.
I remember I used to hate her a bit, I just couldn't trust her in nothing. I felt disconnected from her mind, but she was such a help in the last time. She just knows so much, and God was right. I saw her as an answer to a prayer in which I asked help and guidance from Him. I thought that maybe he showed her in my dream so I could know she was the one to help me, and she was. Thanks Ruha for all the support.

Little blog, I gotta go. Puzzled and disconnected as before. But today I realized that even though I don't feel anything I feel fine. I just seem to have a brief disconnection between my mind and feelings, but this time I feel its for good. As Ruha said, "It may not be on God's schedule".
I just feel so fine. To be able to leave the problems to Him is just the best comfort I could get, I feel no pain, nor bad for what I will do. I just hope the other side gets to understand as me that my time has not yet come.

Good night.

2006-12-13T07:06:00.000-08:00

This is not a very nice week after all.

Not so different from my last post, I came to face another demanding, exhausting, anihilating, cracking, killing week. No, I am not happy after all. And yes, I need His guidance right now.
Things changed a lot in this week, things became a threat on my psychological and mind health. Yes, its just like ALS. Killing me from the inside. And why Lord, Why? I just got a few answers.
I am not saying He just forgot, I'm sure His answer will come at the right moment, preciselly when I will be facing the hard turn. But, it's just the I am not ready to have a 90th minute answer.
I always plan things, if I was to be in God's commitee He surelly would be very molested by my lack of faith, or may you call it just an obsession with order.

I am not that kind of person you usually find with everything in order or with his own place tidy and clean. I'm not. I hate to be like that, I can't stand the thought of being like the Finn School new boss. He's just, too clean, too tidy, too pilot. He even rejected a dog because "it is a very unclean animal, and will ruin the higiene of the Finn School".
Dude! You lived in Africa, how could you talk about higiene? Bah, who am I to judge this tidy man? He looks cool anyways, kinda cool in a bad way too which takes me to think of him as freezy. Sometimes.
But this post is just too different to start speaking about him.

Where were I?
So this week was sad too. We had the camp last saturday. Tytti and Laura where just overblessing us in every way, it weren't the people in the camp the ones who made me happy. I must admit it was them.
I got my own reasons for not accepting "spiritually grown-up" as a cumpliment from the Shfa-Amer KK group leaders. But this too is something unconnected to the very big topic.

So I went to my congregation as I was the Soundman this time. Everything went fine, no feedbacks, no major problems and just the volume everyone needed. I was proud of myself.
I came back to the Finn school just to see the KK group going, I wished them a nice journey back to Shfa-Amer and went in to say goodbye to Laura and Tytti.
Everyone went and so I was left there to talk with them for a while. Bah, such a shame they had to leave.
Once again said my farewells to both of them knowing this was the last time.

12pm: Got the permition to go with them to the airport!
Wow, thanks God!
So I went with them, this time to say my final and third farewell.

It was brief, just the classic bureaucracy of Israel's airport and some checkings from a not very nice attendant. I had my ID with me so I was given the pleasure to lead the ladies through the process of check-in in this very exhausting place.
Achtung! Boom. Met the wall.
Some attendant, not nicer than the last one just checked my ID and waved me off, telling me to go back and wait.
I went back, humiliated by my co-citizens taking with me Laura's coat as a hostage so she would come after the check-in to say goodbye.

Time passed bye and nothing was moving. I just hate airports.
We decided we had to go, and the-right-time-for-tears came in to visit. First Tytti said bye, then Laura and all was just tears and tears. I felt nothing, just a bit sad. But I knew that it will come to me in some hours.
I was right.

We went back, everyone laughing and telling how he enjoyed this two enourmous (in a big way, if you are reading it) girls, sharing the anecdotes everyone had with them.
I was late for school, I went home and on the way back I just realized. "They went..."
I started counting minutes until the take-off time scheduled for 16:05 and when it was that time I started counting the minutes they were on the air.
I was pissed off really, felt so bad and weird and sad. I couldn't concentrate on my homework and realized I was depressed as never before.

I went to sleep with that feeling of depression. I asked God to intervein and help me 'cause I really didn't like that at all.
So this is the story of how this two Finns dissapeared, this last sunday. So sad.

Besides that, I am really pissed of by school. I have some exams coming on. I got my psychometric studies in order to enter the University if I don't go to the army first, also coming on.
Not only that, I just received another invitation for some exams to the Commando Units in the IDF (Israel Defence Forces), I may receive also an invitation to the Air Force soon. And I really don't see where God wants me to be. So also, praying for that.

There has been a lot cooking on this last days. I just keep betraying myself. I don't want to talk about it now. It's too complicated and long and sad and everything with it. It must be done gradually and with the mind. May God help me with that too. I just feel so lost, so undecided of what I want. I talked to Ruha about it and she just adviced me to take a break and think, she thinks there are a few thinks that aren't in God's schedule right now. I really need time to think, but fast.

So here goes my two ton post, full of all this confused feeling right now. My future, my now and what goes with it technically and emotionally.

2006-10-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

A weird week, I must say. Full with lowlights, here and there a highlight. But, well I'll tell you.
So, this week was NOT the kind of week I was expecting. Kind of.
I had an awesome week in terms of actually being happy. It's just that the reality didn't fit the mood.
I am an optimist and I really think people should be happy no matter what. However things don't really turn up to be the way you want them. I had an exam on history and it was a total disaster, completelly. I didn't learn 'cuz I though I knew it all. So I talked with her instead of learning and I went to school the next morning not knowing what to expect.
Boom Num. 1: I got my Ritalin and thought I had my 80 already, but when I saw the test I just was blank. Nothing to write, nothing to do. Nothing to do afterwards either, she (the teacher) just told me it was the exam and that's all. So ashamed for not even learning for one second, I went out leaving my test blank as it was.
Boom Num. 2: It came just today, after a cruel loss in history I just gave up again in sports. I said I couldn't run the full 25 (twenty-five) minutes we had to. The teacher told me to at least try to do it without stopping. "Well" I said, "all I know is that I cannot hold myself running for more than seven minutes" and that was my statement.
The teacher however said it was just my mind saying that I couldn't do it, but I prefered to face reality. Even if I did run, he (the teacher) would mark my running as unsuficient. So why try harder? I gave up. Second 0 in two days.
Boom Num. 3: There was no boom number three. Well, there almost was. A short test in Bible, which ended up pretty well actually.
So this day went on as usual. Got a bunch of homework to do in this whole-week holiday! So, that was pretty much it. We had a Succa also in our school, arranged by a few vandals who broke in in the night and slept there. It was a surprise, but everyone liked it.

This week I have been thinking a lot about my future. I know I would like to study something in Finland so I could be with my sweetheart, AND also learn the language. So I just studied the posibilities. As a matter of fact I should state the pros (there are no cons): 1) She, will be there. 2) I will learn Finnish. 3) Apparently, I won't need to pay for my studies. Which is good in order to keep my studies money for something else. 4) There's no need for a four. Three is enough.
So as I was thinking I came out with a couple of ideas.
I love photography, so I thought maybe that I could learn arts and photography there. Sounds good, good landscape, animals, views. What else do I need?
But a friend of mine pointed towards another thing I could do. Study in some Bible College and get a degree so I can work with youth or something.
I was shocked, never thought of that. It sounded really cool to me and it could be of help here among the youth. So late at night, as I finished my second poem to her I prayed for guidance. I said: "Lord, if it is Your Will, that I could go to study in a Bible College in Finland, please show me. If You can, show me Your Will this night in my dreams". And fade into black.
I never do that stuff of wanting Him to show me right away something. I never pray for specific stuff, asking for specific answers in specific ways. But I did it.

I woke up in the morning remembering just a red car. It was apparently my car. But I couldn't remember nothing else. I just said to myself that maybe I forgot about it or maybe it wasn't His Will to show me that right away.
Later, I remembered what was also in my dream. There was a house, a place where I lived. And I remember going around the house and getting into a place that was apparently a sauna. People started flowing in to the sauna. But I knew none of them.
So, could this sauna represent Finland in my dream? I am afraid I will have to ask God again, 'cuz I really want to feel it's his voice and not mine.
Anyways, I'm really exited about all this stuff. God has never showed me before that He wanted me to be in a Bible College or to be a leader. He showed me through many people that He wants me to be a worshipper, but this stuff just puzzles me. I have to pray about it.

Well, gotta go for now. Tomorrow I will get to talk to my love. So I must sleep well. Haha.
Good night.

P.S. If you read this suklaa, all I want is you to know that I love you.

2006-09-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

A month, it feels like ages actually. A month that makes me feel able to do anything I want.

It's been a month now. Since that 'terrible' mistake I made which showed me the true wisdom of God. A month since all that I though would never be exploded as a reality in front of me. A month since I got that gift from God. A month since all my dreams were forced to face a new reality. I feel so good. I have to tell though that I forgot it is a month now. For me it felt like years and years.

Those thirty days were like a whole bunch of days, because I came to know you better. I came to understand you more. I learned how to love you, and how to never look at myself as nothing again. It was a month of learning. Lessons I will never cease to learn, because I know that everyday I will learn something new about you. It puzzles me and makes me want to know you more. And I believe I will get to do it everyday for the rest of my life. Just imagine, you and me. No one else.

I feel now more than ever that we both have a future linked together. I am not afraid anymore to tell you that I love you. I am not afraid to tell you what I think about us. And I am not afraid to tell you that I am deeply (and you know it's deep) in love with you.

I am so sorry that I forgot about the day. I understand that you care about. I'll try not to forget it next time. Thanks for remembering this date.
By the way, did I tell you that I love you today?

2006-09-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

This day. Well, How can I describe it? Pretty much as always. Nothing really happening.
I didn't go to the second congregation today, mainly because I had a lot of stuff to do for the evening. The other reason was that I had to get some things in order for school. I have much to do still, but I guess this coming week everything should be in order and fine.
So, I have to call the Intelligence Forces and confirm my appointment in Tel-Aviv and so I have to check out what happened with my computers lesson in the University.
So, in short it was a normal day. I had my two hour lesson at school which is annoying, but taht should end in January after the final exams. Then I will be enjoying my free friday. Woooow!

So as I came from school I went and logged on to MSN, just to check if my beauty was online. I found her but she had to go because she was at school. So, I was left there with no one to speak to. Then came Prinsii Lehma and we talked. She acted very weird and was a bit down. Eventually I came to know something wasn't ok. So as we talked I just started noticing a change in her. It was something I hadn't seen before. She was angry and she just kinda hated me. I tried to forget all that she said that was supposed to hurt me and I just focused on her and on how she was behaving.
I wouldn't go that far, but there certainly was something dark in her. I felt she was attacking me, my happiness. And I tried to get her to understand that happiness wasn't really about being with someone. I tried to tell her that I care about her and that I love her the way she is, and that is when God suddenly interveined. She told me she prayed for someone to tell her that he loved her, and now her prayer was answered. So I think God did something through me. I hope I'm right. Meanwhile I will keep praying for her. I am very worried about her situation and trully I need His guidance.

And so this day went on. Nothing else, exept for me being worried about Prinsii Lehma.
So I leave you my little blog. See you sometime.
By the way, did I tell you that I love her more and more every day?

2006-09-07T05:32:00.000-07:00

So far I felt this day has gone by without anything really important to tell me. Exept for the fact that for some reason yesterday's wish was actually fulfilled, yes I got to dream about her.
Well, in my last dreams I started paying attention to the fact that I tend to forget them. So, before that happens again I will write down what it looked like.

I remeber that for some reason I got back from school early. When I was home I was told, don't remember who told me, that I gotta be prepared for the flight. No information to where.
I was upset, it felt as though this was a very important flight, so I started getting the books out from my backpack filling it afterwards with whatever was needed for a trip. I got my big bag also and started pulling out clothes from my closet. Then the terror happened. For some reason even the smallest things in dreams seem to scare me to death. Yes, all my jeans were dirty. (Has anyone ever seen one of my jeans neat and clean?)
I was more upset and started going crazy. So I finished preparing my bags and I was just heading on to my sister's room. (For some reason, it was my sister's room from the former apartment)
When I was there I noticed that me and other people (Never remembered their faces... Never saw them) had to jump off the window. There seemed to be a rush, and I heard voices which remind me of my group leader, urging us to move faster.
So, I was off the window in some kind of bombshelter's exit and I saw what looked like a park somewhere in Madrid. It wasn't madrid, and I knew it was Ben Gurion's airport. I noticed that my whole self was weird. I looked like a soldier, I was really weird. My muscles looked as I trained for years and I felt taller.
As I was going down I saw a group of people. And she was sitting with them. I just stopped, staring at her from the distance and then she saw me and she rose up. She was just perfect, beautiful. And as she was approaching me the dream fade into black. And I was awake.

I was shocked. Such a dream. She dreamt about the same moment two nights ago.

So, I am ok. And I guess that should be all for now. I gotta go.

2006-09-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

Well, a new year has started and all I feel is just a great year coming up. It mainly has to do with the fact that many of my doubts and fears are all gone, and yes, I feel my head is pretty clear and so my mind. Exept for those moments when I think about her.
But, at least that doesn't affect my that much.

Ok, I know it is supposed to be a bad situation. After all, we live thousands of kilometers one from the other. But, I got to tell that for some reason it seems pretty good in some way. Well, life isn't always what you expect it to be. Right? So why try harder? I got no reason to try and write my life 'normally'. I mean, staying in the layers of standart with God, which is what matters. But if for some reason I think he is expecting a sudden change in my life which is what he thinks to be the best. Then why would I ingnore it and give up to my judgement in a way which will suit my life right now? It is unpleasant in some way, but who knows. One day you're here, the other there.

So this year of school just started. It feels weird to be in your last year of school. There's no "next year" stuff, it all has a feel of end. The end isn't that near, but in less than a year I will have to face the rigorous ways of the army. A whole new reality in some way.
I will not be a Mr. Citizen for 3 years or so. I will rely on the system of the army, and they will decide how my life will look like while I'm under their hand. Mr. Puppet, ha ha.

I have started this week thinking also about many things I got to do this year. Like start taking driving lessons. Like thinking which way to go after the army. Many say: "Well, you got the whole army to think about it!", but what if for some reason I won't be going to the army in the end. What if something happens and I got to think faster? So, at least for now, I don't know what I would like to do. I thought of using some of the money I have been keeping for the university to do a trip around the world. But I think I will invest that money in something more productive like going to the university or school of some kind right after the army.

Well, people who know me know how important it is for me to have a profession before I get married. I think there should be a strong basis for that, so yes, I am not planning to get married until that. It means that before I am 25 I won't be.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not that kind of person who thinks money buys everything. I am not planning to be rich, I just think too many young couples are doing the same mistake thinking that there is no problem. They just get married when they are 20, and in some months you start seeing the problems pop out. It is so sad. And that is the reason I am opposed to marriage before the age of 25.

But why am I bothering now with such themes?
Lets move on. So this year started and most of my school has gone through a big change. We got a new principal (the former left after a year because he felt he couldn't do anything more to improve the school's level) and a new (old, he wasn't in the school for 2 years) guy who is in charge of our class along with some others. The teacher who is in charge of my class is a school veteran, also in charge of all the final exams. She seems pretty nice, she even offered me today to leave the class and move to another class because she is aware of the good relationship I have with the teacher there. I will check tomorrow and give her my answer, I would like very much to be with that teacher, but I think I might regret leaving my class after two years of living with them. But everyone knows that for the other teacher I would kill, so I guess I will move soon to his class. Heil Boaz the Fuhrer! Lol.

So, life is really smiling at me. And I could only smile at the thought of her. I really love you telepatit. If I once thought it was just a small crush I now start thinking your father might be right. There is something else. :)

Meanwhile, I go and arrange my academic life. So if you wouldn't mind blog...
See you.

2006-08-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked into a terrible mistake, and actually felt (not only saw) the light in the end of the tunnel? Well, stuff like that doesn't happen in the reality. Or so I knew until yesterday.
I had another blog in a different language which mainly was for nothing good enough. I had fired all my political speeches and tired-of stuff there, and it really seemed as a blog made for one thing only. To prove myself.

I was well aware of what people thought, and still think of me, that I am sometimes a dumbass looking for an identity. People were annoyed by how my political expressions seemed to contradict eachother. They actually found it hard to see a true way of putting my opinions in order and each time I wanted to explain they just added: "You don't know what you think or believe in".
As for my varied and extended politic's opinions, I had sometimes to spit it on my poor blog.
That is what his life was made of, basically.

So, how this whole bunch of bullshit is connected to the statement of that tunnel?
I decided I would kill that blog, for the simple reason of having this one as the main. I didn't have the guts to kill a year and a half of semi-posting and frustration. I didn't do it, and I didn't care.

I just left it with the last post it had from that last time when desperation almost killed my optimism. I didn't care much about it being there, showing so much of myself to the uncaring audience.

I sat yesterday on messenger, telepathy as always made its way to show us both the exact moment in which to connect. I say as always because it happened many times.
We spoke as always, and then we somehow got into the topic of blogs and all that is between that. So I sent a link of my other blog, which is in a different language, and she sank into it.
I noticed she didn't write for some minutes, and when she was on again she told me she almost wept because of the post in there. Which is there, to remind you, since July.
I was stunned, and asked myself what the hell was that made her want to cry.
I moved to the site and I felt as if all my blood had been drained from me. There stood the old post, exposing all my feelings for her and what I felt when she left. I explained I was apparently deeply in love with her and how it killed me that she had left without leaving me a chance to tell her how much I love her. I was in big trouble.

If ever there was a person who wouldn't have to see this it would have been her. And she saw it.
I didn't say names, but the clues were clear to her. And then struck the first question, "Is this really what you felt... when I left?".

I mean, I really felt dead. For some reason, I was willing not to tell her about my feelings. And the damage had already been done. I felt stupid, 'cause I didn't check the posts first. I really was pissed off by this. And that is when I told myself: "Nice way of finishing the day, dumb!".
Stuff like this never happens to me, but this time I just made the terrible mistake.

To conclude this story and short as possible: We love eachother. We both feel better. And for some reason, I don't think the distance could be a problem. And I feel calm, really calm. For the first time in ages. I just feel like writing something.

P.S. If that wasn't enough for this whole week, I got an invitation for Inteligence Force's Exams. Woohoo, Army!

2006-08-23T06:26:00.000-07:00

Let's start with a clear statement: I was fired from MDA. It happened when I called for the I-dunno-the-number time. It was all clear, I had failed the third test and what happens eventually is that there is no fourth chance. Bah, I was told to try to enter this coming year as a new volunteer. Now think, what will I say if someone asks me: "Are you new or veteran?", I will have to answer "A little bit of both...". I dunno, it really pisses me off for some reason. I was ok after all, all the theory is what caused such a mess in the last exam. Well. I won't give up.

I got though a date for my recruiting. 22 July, 2007. Such a wonderful time to be recruited. I still don't know if that truly means I will not be sent to a combat unit (which I would prefer), that's what I was told by somebody. If that's so, I will be very disapointed. I did the psychometric exam a week ago. It was somewhat easy, but I was too nervous to think at that moment. Hope for the best.

What else. Yes, the group's leader again (yes, for the third time) cancelled the BIG meeting we were supposed to have. Such a shame. Hopefully, we will be having it tomorrow at 6. I am too angry to talk quietly, this will turn out to be a rage meeting. Too much stuff I was keeping will have to burst out.

Me and Eli are improving in some way our stuff. We've been pushing it this last days, and hopefuly by tomorrow we'll have something like 5 songs all ready to shoot in the meeting. We must show that we are working, as it is the half-truth.
My skills in guitar are improving amazingly this days. I just need to find the strength to take it further. And yes, I need also the material to do so. I am also thinking all the time about all the things we are going to do in the future with Eli. She really wants us to make a demo together, but for that I will need some other machines and stuff I don't have. Our budget is tight, after the trip to England, and in order to buy everything we will need a thousand dollars or so. Bah. We'll see.

For the future. Well, I got to start a true diet to kill all this remainig kilos from England. I gotta be in shape for the next year as it is my last one and sport seems to be my failing circuit in school. Also, the army is waiting and I got to prove my best in order to get to 669, or even the Air Force. Life is hard, who ever told you it's so easy.
Besides, I got to find a job. This big investments keep killing me.

See ya later mate.

2006-08-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well, if I start by telling this is so far my fourth attempt to mantain an English blog it will sound stupid. Well I did.
I was chatting by MSN with my dear Prinssi Lehma. She seemed so sad, so I helped her out of that state of defeat she was facing. Like many others, I mean girls, she was pointing out how ugly she is. I really don't get it. It just bothers me to think how this trend of girls thinking they are ugly (when they really aren't) is spreading like Katiyushas over the north of Israel. Bah.
So if you hear me Prinssi Lehma: You are one of the most beautiful gingers I've seen. And the hottest indeed.

So I went today to exchange a few (teeth) words with the leader of the group. She didn't like what I had to tell her. She didn't like my ideas. In fact, it looks like a classic war between Israel and some other arab country. But I guess I'll not shut up.

So that killed most of my day. Frankly, I almost killed myself. It was a rage I cannot express. God hold me, 'cause really, I could have killed her. I hope everything will set up fine.
I plan to add some song to the album we are supposed to do. I started today looking for info on the guy we are doing it with: Man Alive's frontman. I guessed he earned another fan today with the song Rewind. After all, they are not that bad. Comparing them to Fortisacharof and all the Israeli bullshit there is.

So, I came home with such an anger. Adding it the fact I didn't find out much about my exam status in MDA I guess that made my day hard enough. Eli was too soft on the phone and it really made me mad. But tell me, how could I ever be mad at her? Sorry Eli. But now, after a good ice cream, I guess life seems a lot better.

And I opened this mainly because I would like people around the world to be able to read what I write. But still I got to arrange everything here. Some pics, some other stuff. I hope I would be able to leave the other blog. It became too stupid, too public. Bah.

So, I leave now. Got to speak to Shirya.
Buenas Noches.